Friends are good -
they tell me- 'do not be afraid' -
afraid alone in my silent house
with my babies asleep
safe -how safe from this -
'do not be afraid.
It's just a lump.
Just a lump
in my breast,
the breast you held, you cupped
you covered with chocolate one night
when you said you wanted me to go,
licking sweetness from the nipple,
tongue-talking me into staying.
Playing around as lovers do
you took a photo of it
white and round and pink-tipped.
So ironic that you took that particular snap.
I guess you still have it:
you with your anger,
your tossed golden loving
set like an amber shield against me.
Now we are silent and separated.
Your voice honeyed and intimate
weaving its loving sweetness into the silence,
is gone.
It would tell me not to fear
and I would not be afraid.
How love calms.
Now there is myself,
all that I am,
searching for my own stillness
in the long silence of lightless night.
Just me and this lump.
Me and the sound of my children breathing
so sure of tomorrow,
so sure of me in it.
Oh yes, to be not afraid.
